I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
