I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
