"it" just moved
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
