Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We are two peas in an std pod
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
