I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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