dude i'm inner monologue high
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
