On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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