Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
