So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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