1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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