careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
