Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
