She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
