The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
