I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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