my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
