Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
