Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
