you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
