the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
