Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
