i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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