I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
