The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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