Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
