ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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