We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
