im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
