My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
