I'm so fucking centered right now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
