She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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