I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
