Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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