There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
