i already hear my dad disowning me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
