before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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