we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
