Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
