Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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