i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
