Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
