I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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