So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
