Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
