I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Randomize
