Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
