i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
