The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
