every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
