John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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