Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
