I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
