Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize