Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
